Toy Sale!

Today, I will brave the crowds and test my feet's stamina as I head on to this:

Okay, pamangkins, inaanaks and young-at-heart friends. I'm praying to finally cross you out of my list tonight. :-)

Spiral Downfall.

"I hope you find happiness in what you're doing."


Geez.


But what if you can't find happiness in whatever you do? Sucks. 


(Really not in the mood to write, I'm hungry and there's that KFC Tower Burger ad on TV again.)


Okay, I'll eat lunch now.

How To Be Single.

If you're looking for tips on how to be good at this, no, you're on the wrong blog. It's just not what I do. How-to's and tips are not really my cup of tea. Because maybe I just can't figure some things out.


How To Be Single is the latest book I've been reading. Or should I say the first book I've been reading since I-can't-remember-the-last-time-I-have-read-a-book-for-pleasure. Yes. Emphasize on the last two words. i forgot how much fun reading was.


I've reached about a third of the book. I actually thought I wouldn't find it in the bookstores anymore since it's been unavailable in the last 3 weeks. So I immediately bought it when I found a copy last Tuesday. Pretty interesting though. I couldn't put it down. It's somehow Eat, Pray, Love meets Sex and the City. 


Julie (the protagonist) is now on her third foreign city and so far, I've learned about pride, open marriage, slapping men, and even sleeping with prostitutes. (I've noticed it gets funnier and funnier with each lesson.) I'm currently browsing the website. Apparently there's a reel film about this. I should watch that when I have time. Enough time like now when I am just sitting in front of my laptop, blogging, and actually cleaning up my emails. (Sheesh. All these being connected with your friends drama is flooding my emails with lots and lots of notifications.) I hear the videos are interesting. Because they're real. And because the fictional book came from these non-fiction stories.


Do the lessons I've learned so far matter? I guess so. I'm still a mess, I have to admit. And honestly, I just realized I wanted to travel more now. Like for example, I just asked my friends to take me to the beach soon. And I am actually looking at all these websites recommending good places to go to. And speaking of my friends, last night I went to a friend's birthday party. She knows what I'm going through. And last night, yes last night was a blast because I remembered how good laughing feels. I got resurrected. I think I will be better now.


So if you're going to ask me for tips on how to be single? I have one: no man can ever define your happiness - you've got other people in your life to help you with it. =)

Steps. Stages. Levels.

Why do people put off doing some things til later? Most are not ready. Some are stuck and can't imagine what it's like on the other side. There are also others who are just afraid to take a leap. We've all heard it: the first step is always the hardest. And as if pressure from other people who are expecting us to overcome whatever it is that we need to do isn't enough, facing the mirror and telling yourself you must do it is just a pain in the ass.

Yes, I'm talking about loss here. Loss of someone, loss of something, slap-in-the-face-somebody-is-no-longer-part-of-your-life. Why is it so hard to move on?

THE NILE.

Yes, I have been blind. Because I can't believe something that was making me happy suddenly turned out to be one of the hugest heartache I'll be going through in my life! That's why I refused to believe it was over.

ANGRY BIRDS.

It will never be fair. And people will always be to blame. Or maybe I am to blame too. Whatever. At least I know somebody is responsible for my loss. And just like the stupid video game, it would come to a point I would like to see somebody blow up just like the damned pigs of the game.

50% OFF.

It's true. Shopping and haggling skills were put to test as I tried to work out something that's not meant to be. Seriously, I've thought of giving up a lot just to have it all back. How pathetic. =\

PROZAC DEPENDENCE.

This, this stage has got to be the hardest for me. Come on! I've been sulking and disconnecting from love and affection. How sad is that? And yes, I do know what it feels like to sleep for 13 hours. Because being awake half the day is just sad, when I see nothing meaningful to make me want to live. And yes, I do splurge when I am depressed. Retail therapy used to work. I'm not sure now.

ACCEPTANCE.

Fine, I couldn't come up with my own term for this. Because at this point, I am so far away from this. With all the stupid decisions and self-pity I am doing, it will take too long before I can accept whatever crap happened to me. Okay?

I know I just ranted in the past 20mins. That's why I've been post-poning writing. Because I am having a hard time admitting to myself I am broken again right now. Because I don't want to be broken. Because I can't believe someone just broke me again.

Now, to go drown my sorrows with the rain.

Before I Do Bridal Fair Pre-Event Press Release

Looking for the perfect wedding dress? How about a sumptuous feast for your wedding guests? Dreaming of dancing your very first dance as a couple to the soothing sound of a quartet? Are you now counting the days til you say “I do”?

This coming May, find all the things you will need for your very special day as VRC Creative Events presents Before I Do Bridal Fair 9th Edition which gathers over seventy wedding suppliers who are more than willing to extend their services to soon-to-wed couples and even debutants in making their special day a memorable one.

From May 14 to 15, 2010, the Megatrade Hall 1 of SM Megamall in Mandaluyong will be filled with seventy of the finest and most sought after wedding suppliers, as well as those neophytes in the industry, to help out all soon-to-wed couples make that dream wedding come true. Guests will enter a hall dressed up by Full Blooms Flower shop, while DJ Hitman and Andrew Que of Happy Events will play host during the fair along with a number of singers and performers who will keep guests entertained.

To better enlighten guests, The Wedding Planner Magazine, Wedding Flavours Magazine, BridalBook.ph and Kasal.comwill serve as guide on how to prepare for their special day. Proudly shown on the event’s posters is Nice Print Photography immortalizing a client’s wedding day. With a lot of options to choose from, guests will be treated to a lot surprises and amazing finds in this event, including discounts and special rates for on the spot bookings. These on the spot bookings are also the key to get a chance to 3day 2night stay at 7 Stones Boracay Suites with round trip boat transfers for 2 if luckily picked during the raffle draw at the end of the fair, along with the awarding of Best Prenup Photo Contest winners.

As for those still trying to get ideas and have not made a final decision yet on what they want for their special day, they still have a chance to win hourly the onsite raffle items from participating exhibitors. Not to be left behind, the exhibitor who gets the most number of bookings also gets credit and 3day 2night stay for 2 at Panoly Resort Hotel.

This event is also made possible with the following partners:MyBridalFair.com, Sulit.com.ph, Herword.com, Manila Bulletin, Business World, Megatrade Hall, SM Megamall and MSD Godspeed.

Soon-to-wed couples, debutants and guests can get in for free when they pre-register online athttp://bido9.doattend.com/.

Cliche.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"




For a few seconds there I was blank. I scrambled my mind for an answer. I even tried to travel back in time when I was a child just to recall what I wanted to be. And just like that my brain cells were frozen. No process or thought was on my mind at that moment.


Nada.


Insert a cricket sound if you must, I could not give an answer to the question.


So ramble I did. Pathetic much. I'm probably the only twenty-something in the world who doesn't know what she wants to be. Who forgot the things she had always dreamed of. I have reached a point in my life where I do not know what to want, what to live for. I might as well be dead.


I do recall I wanted to be an astronaut when I was a five year-old kid. The thought of being in space with nothing blocking you, just you alone, was lovely to me. Then I threw the idea out a year later when I realized loneliness is just too sad and I have no idea how to deal with it. Fast forward through my formative school years, I decided that having a relationship with science is fun, exciting, which is why as geeky as it may sound, I dreamed of having a lab and becoming (genius) scientist. Or maybe I should blame that fantasy to overdosing on Dexter's Laboratory, because when I got bored with Deedee annoying Dexter and Dexter cleaning up after Deedee, I found myself being fascinated with the wonders of being a lawyer. For the love of argument maybe. Or perhaps I just like the glamor and authority a lawyer has. (Power suits also amazed me. I think I wanted a few in my closet then. I just looked at them, but not wear them. I feel old when I wear them.)  I cannot remember anymore how or when I started to want my own business. And then when that phase had passed, I fell in love with the idea of being somebody's employee, and just getting up on the corporate ladder. 


And today, I have no idea where I am. I feel like I'm in the middle of Shibuya. Stuck in the middle waiting for the red light to turn green, which apparently in the last two months won't, and I can't seem to cross the street without being ran over by a bus.


How morbid.


I would give anything just to know which way to go, which road to take, which green light to look out for.


It took me more than half an hour to come up with this whole entry. Kind of unusual for someone who's used to writing at the speed of thought. The writer in me probably got tired and must have died along that stupid journey of searching what to be. And I still do not know the answer to the question!


(This is frustrating. Really.) 


In the middle of wanting to wrap this up and looking forward to sleeping, I suddenly remembered this song I used to sing from way back in 2004. (Please listen to the song, and do not mind the video. It's the most decent version I could find.)

So what do I want to be when I grow up?


You tell me what you want to be then I'll decide what I want to be.

Okay? Okay.

In the midst of a very loud room, I can still hear my heart breaking to a million pieces.


About a gazillion thoughts ran through my head the entire day. The moment I faced the monitor of my laptop, everything just went away. Maybe because I can't bear to think about it anymore.


Here's the thing. I'm tired of the silent treatment. I'm sick of it. I'd rather hear you hate me, you're angry at me, I've hurt you than not being able to know what is wrong. It's just torture for me, it kills me.


So to sum it up, when I ask you to let go of me, please make it hard for me by asking me why. Not by agreeing to it, because that makes me feel I don't mean anything to you.










What does okay really mean?

Fortune Cookie.

I was left speechless by this video today. Well written and you are just naturally drawn to the couple's conversation.

Watch and be left in awe with the end. I was. =D

Table 7 - short film from Marko Slavnic on Vimeo.

There's So Much Time To Figure Out The Rest of My Life

Yesterday, two guys I like made me cry. The first one is Phoeben Teocson. It's not that he meant to make me cry, but hey, he's a wedding videographer so basically his work naturally makes some people cry. And after watching numerous videos done by him, I finally cried at one - his own wedding video. (More on Bim and his work in a different entry. I don't want to cry again this early today.)

The second outburst was because of this certain picture. It was posted somewhere on the net on a social networking site. And me being the lazy girl last night viewed it on my phone, and spent five minutes reading it. You have no idea how painfully small these letters were. I had to zoom a few times.

After wiping the tear that fell, I realize, I just had my heart broken. Again.

Watching You's the Only Drug I Need.

This never fails to make me smile.

Jon-Abbie Onsite AVP from Raymond Fortun on Vimeo.

Wouldn't you smile too? =)

Of Hearts, Sappy Love Songs, and Princess Gowns.

Ah.. Valentine's Day. Balentyms when I was a kid. Again, I am single. Because I choose to be. (Cue bitterness.) Haha.


Most people have their parents as their "sweetest" couple role models. Or maybe their grandparents for the longest marriage ever. I may not have parents to count on for any idea on marriage, or even love, but I do know my grandparents have been together long enough for me to have an idea of love.


But I guess an idea isn't enough. I need to see it. Feel? Had my share. And it wasn't all happy, happy, joy, joy. Because if it was, I wouldn't be sharing my bitterness here. I am happy, by the way. It's just that I am slowly losing faith in love. I think no such thing exists. It's probably all in the mind. (And at this point I would like to blame whoever cause this huge damage in me to stop believing in love.) Which is kind of ironic, really, since I am paid to I deal with people who have been in love for years.


And to them, I am thankful. Maybe, there's a part in me that still believes.There may be hope for me. :-) Allow me to share to you a video of one of my favorite couples.







fernando & abbie - same day edit from phoeben teocson on Vimeo.

Here We Go.

Because this year I will get older again, and like everyone who's done something for the first time, I am making a list of stuff I want to do before my birthday. (Okay, the real "first time" part here is really this list. So don't go looking for lighting a cigarette here. Although, I haven't really done that. But that deserves another entry.) My birthday's in a little over two months. Let's see how far I'll go. I'll be crossing out stuff here to see my progress.


In no particular order.

1. Eat a maki/sushi platter by myself. I'm hungry and this is the first thing that came in my mind. Because sushi is love.
2. Lose at least 8lbs by my birthday. I am challenging myself.
3. Shoot at least 10 pictures everyday. And fill up my Tumblr.
4. Clean up the office/my own stockroom and keep it clean for at least a month. The longest it can go is 3 days.
5. Collect one set of Happy Meal toys. To the Fastfood god, please make McDonald's release kyoot and funny toys in the next 60 days.
6. Have a Facebook status with twenty likes. And it shouldn't be something about me being a loser. Haha!
7. Make at least THREE different cupcake flavors and repeating each flavor thrice. I am known not to repeat what I cook. Ever.
8. Remind the government that I still exist. And by that I mean renewing my passport, NBI clearance (and getting the renewal card), and finally getting a driver's license. Because some people do not honor my permit. Idiots.
9. Go on a roadtrip with my friends. Seriously. Ever since majority got jobs, we don't go out that much. We have to make time for stuff. I trust my friends to help me with this.
10. Eat Froyo and get all the toppings. Or at least half of what's being offered.
11. Save up enough money to buy a gold A ticket to the Maroon 5 concert. Somebody help me do this!
12. Buy shoes. Yes, shoebsession is back in my system. And I'm not just talking about one pair. I have 5 pairs in mind that I want to buy.
13. Have more than 25,000 tweets. I'm just on my 9,000-something. It took me a year to publish 8,000 tweets.
14. Eat something exotic. Something that will top jellyfish. Which isn't really that exotic. And no, intestines do not count.
15. Cook a meal for the family. I once said I'll try cooking Orange Chicken. It's been three months and I haven't even gone to looking for a recipe. I've bought oranges several times though.
16. Keep up with the apple detox diet, along with the weekend badminton-walking date with Monique and whoever we can drag. Yes, 2011 is healthy living year. Just so I can buy myself time to be in denial that I am getting old and isn't excused from being sick.
17. Have at least 8 blog entries every month. Reading my Multiply a few nights ago made me miss writing. And I think I know why I don't write a lot anymore. It's just too sad to tell. Which is why I want to write again.
18. Buy an LBD. Yes, I have been looking for a little black dress since I can't remember. If you're generous enough to give me one as a gift, please do so days before my birthday. I might just wear it. *wink*
19. Get a really, really expensive haircut. This I gotta do no more than two weeks before my birthday. And I'm talking about European hairstyling-runway look-head turning-chuvaness. Yes, I would splurge on my hair.
20. Go to the museum. Or watch a play. Anything cultural. I think I'm done with being a mall rat. For now.
21. Have my picture taken or portrait painted. Because people tell me I'm beautiful. I want a reminder.
22. Watch at least two movies every month. Now I need a movie buddy. Any volunteers? By the way, I'm not paying for you. =P
23. Read.
24. Send somebody a card, randomly. Wala lang. I just like sending mail. And receiving it. So if my recipient gets my card, please send me one too. =D
25. Eat a whole espresso mousse cheesecake. Or something less fattening. Haha!
26. Meet a celebrity crush and have them greet me. I have a list of celebrity crushes, so it's not impossible to do this. If you happen to know Ryan Agoncillo, Franco Mabanta, DJ Tonytoni, Jiro Manio, Phil Younghusband, Atom Araullo, Robi Domingo, James Reid, Billy Crawford, and the list goes on.
27. Write a poem. This I haven't done in years. Sad.
28. Get a massage. Period.
29. Call up an old friend and just chat. 'Nuff said.
30. Regain my old music library. And I am still open to suggestions for new songs. Help me build the playlist of a lifetime. =)
31. Get my name on Memento/Porch's hall of fame. Or at least just down one Boy Bastos without making a mess. Haha!

I can't think of anything more. So with my determination and a some help from people who love me, I think I'll be able to cross out more than half of this list. =)

For Everything Else, There's Mastercard.

I just love that Mastercard ad. It comes in different versions (probably depending on the location it will shown), but it all depicts the same message: material things will always come with a price tag. Values, once-in-a-lifetime chances, and definitely time are priceless. Which is actually true.

But what about love?

Today, out of the many things that I do for my job, I learned one popular *cough*stupid*cough* church in this third-world country is charging Php34,000 if you want to get married there. Which. I. Think. Is. Inhumane. Seriously.

In the numerous weddings I've witnessed in my life, as a guest and a professional supplier (that felt weird to say), I've never cared about how much it costs to have one. Maybe until I was bored and started to really think about my own wedding that I realized it would cost an arm to have your dream wedding. (Actually, I figured mine would cost an arm and a leg.) Whenever I tell people how I imagined my wedding to be like, I would get reactions that just had pricey written all over it. And I am aware of that.

But after learning this morning how much this certain church charges for a ONE HOUR wedding ceremony, I just have to say that it is too impractical to get married there. Really. I do not get why it had to cost that much. By the way, the church staff informed that included airconditioning already. And what if I do not need additional cool air since it is cold nowadays in the Philippines? It is Php10,000 less. Still too expensive.

And no, being a popular wedding church doesn't justify a 5-digit ceremony fee. I know other "popular" and nicer churches all over the country that charge just half of this church's cost. A supplier friend told me it might be because of the long aisle or the acoustics that you're paying for. (Long aisle, great acoustics, we now have a give-away.) I'm still not buying that.

No wonder a lot of people still don't get married. It's just too pricey. And I thought the church was promoting marriage over live-ins! Bakit parang negosyo na yata ang kasal sa simbahan? (I have to stop ranting.)

I guess it's a good thing our client doesn't mind the cost.

Now Showing.

Not so long ago, I was a movie buff.


From mainstream to indie films, I have watched movies which people would never think I would watch. Like for example, a Spanish comedy-drama with an R rating. (I think that was over sharing.)


Just like writing, I came to a point that I was either lazy or too busy to go watch a movie. I swear I suck at movies now. Recalling 2010, I have only seen one movie in the movie house. (And no, I wasn't even able to watch new movies in pirated DVDs or even downloaded from the internet.) Just one new movie for 2010. How pathetic could I be?


I don't really know why. Maybe I got tired of the same plots. Maybe I was waiting for it to come out on cable or local tv. Maybe I just don't have time to watch movies anymore. It's sad, really.


Tonight, thank you cable TV, I am on my 4th movie. Apparently, the first three are Tagalog movies. The current one is a horror/thriller I am not really fond of. Wala lang, sayang naman binayad sa cable, papanoorin ko na lang.


Four movies in a row is another first for me for 2011. Even if it is on cable. For the past month, my TV time was spent on series, news, MTV, and prolly cartoons. Since none of my favorite shows are airing today, and I am just sick of watching Glee over and over again, I sat down to watch a movie. (Actually I was planning on watching Black Swan but I still can't get around to doing it.)


I have suggested movies for other people to watch. I have made plans to watch certain movies with some people. But I still haven't gone to watching movies. So tonight, aside from rebuilding my music library, I am going to raid Alabang to buy DVDs of movies. (And no, downloading isn't an option for me. I don't have that much patience to wait for a file to download and that would just kill the internet I am sharing with two other users.)


I need movie suggestions. I don't care if they're too cheesy, too scary, to boring or just plain baduy, but I really want to watch movies. A lot of movies. So come on, suggest whatever movie out there should I buy first.

On Writing.

I think I suck at being a writer.


Twitter has taken the best of me.


I hated one liner slash micro blogging before. Because I do not consider one-liners a blog.


But I have to admit, I was enjoying Twitter. And with the app on my phone, I find it really convenient. So much that I do not know anymore what to write here.


I should go to Twitter rehab.

2011, We Meet.

Because December last year was too hectic I couldn't even find time to sleep, I am (on the 5th year, I must say) declaring my new year's resolution to get seven hours of sleep every night.

Which means I shouldn't be writing now and just shut down the laptop and go to bed. But I just can't. God, I miss writing, and doing it at the speed of thought. But I don't have time for that now. Or maybe I'm just too lazy again. Or probably there's just a lot on my plate for me to handle.

Oh well. First things first.

I am definitely one of those less fortunate people stuck with slow metabolism. And yes, I gained a few extra pounds over the holidays despite all the things I was doing. Stress-eating daw. Oh well. I am trying hard to get back in shape.

I used to do the Dance Revo on the PlayStation to keep in shape. It's fun, not boring and it's made for the young techie generation. Which is why I was able to lose 2 inches of my waistline in 3 weeks before. Now I really need to find time to hook up the console and move stuff around the house so I can play. I need to lose these inches I'm gaining.

Next: eating habits. I have poor ones. It's way to inhumane that I am now having problems with my digestive system and being the stubborn kid that I am, I refuse to see a doctor to find out what is really wrong. Now I'm starting to turn myself into a picky eater. Picky in a sense that I always read the nutritional content, particularly calories. Not that I always say no to high calorie, high fat, really bad food for me, I just said I always READ. But I try my best to avoid bad stuff. (You can see me mostly in the snacks section of the grocery store reading. And ending up getting chips.) Apparently, I haven't eaten a McDonald'd Cheeseburger and fries in months until last week. I just had to have it because I was craving.

Now that's a start: learning to avoid fast food. =D

Since I'm looking for ways to exercise and eat right, I am now looking for a role model/inspiration/motivation to live healthy. No, I'm not shallow to use a bikini as my inspiration. I'm over that. I want something bigger. That's where I'm stuck. I would usually switch to healthy living because a) I want to fit in this killer outfit; b) I want this guy to notice me; c) my console/exercise equipment is not a piece of art that's for display only; and d) because the doctor told me I need to lose weight.

I want a bigger motivation. I need something to push me. There must be something out there that should tell me I must be living healthy. But I am stuck.

So how do I begin now?

Hallooooooooo 2011! :D

You know that feeling when you're just drunk enough to talk and talk and talk all night but not yet drunk enough to pass out? I am on that cliff right now.

But all's well. Hellloooooooooooooooooooooooo 2011!

Though, I must say I felt the Crhsitmas celebration more than New Year's, I still had a blast tonight, nonetheless.

Didn't start with a big bang for the year, but I'm definitely sure this year will be something I'll be looking forward to.



And since I can't write decently now, (you have no idea how many times I hit the backspace button just to get the last sentence right, so forgive for any other errors) here's something to show my big bang for 2011: