Melt-in-the-mouth Chocolate Cake

If I could get rich from doing stupid things, I could join Bill Gates and the gang in the list of richest people.

Unfortunately my stupid ideas and the stubborn 5-year-old in me just can't get enough. Today I just want to hit myself on the head with a book. Other than unnecessary spending and wasting my time, I literally went home crying.

There are just some things that will take a lot of effort to pull off.

I just don't get it. Why I don't give up easily. Why I'm punishing myself.

Pfft.

Niq just told me to come over to Singapore.

Color Manila Nite Run2: My First Fun Run

I signed up for a 10K run.

It's one of those ideas waiting to be classified as crazy or stupid.

To begin, I hate running. Even if a gazillion studies are published as to why running is a good thing, it will always be a love-hate relationship between running and me. For one, I don't have the stamina to run more than 500 meters. Second, it bores me. Number three, feeling ko lampa ako.

I think I have just disappointed my runner friends. Haha.

Color Manila Nite Run happened on the night of February 22 at Filinvest City in Alabang. The cold Amihan wind (it is Amihan this time of the year right?) is still around and somehow made running easy with just minimal sweating. The glow sticks, face paint, and DJ up on stage gave the event a street party vibe rather than a fun run. I can just imagine how lively and youthful Alabang could be with this scenario. (Come on Alabang, time to catch up with BGC.)

In an effort to become fit and healthy, my co-workers managed to coax me into signing up for a 10 kilometer fun run. It isn't such a bad idea at all, considering I've been going to the gym since the beginning of the year. Add to that the 5km jogging sessions I do with my friends, I think I am good to go - for a 3K run.

For a first time fun run experience, Color Manila is a good start. As the crowd started to pick up its pace, I've come to realize that running isn't so bad at all. I now understood why some of my friends can stand to spend their day running. Running is enjoyable. And there were cute guys last night. (I heard Will Devaugn was among the 5Km runners.)

Will I take another fun run offer? It's definitely a crazy idea I'm going to do again. Just not soon. :p

Am I Selfish?

The mere fact that I wondered about it probably qualifies me selfish.

The need to get validation from others is a desperate attempt to get attention for no reason at all.

In a world that demands us to look after our own self, how do you draw the line between prioritizing yourself and giving importance to others?

Have I given enough love to make someone stay? Or would that make me a self-centered bitch who would bribe the weak man so as not to deal with the cold reality of loneliness?

Say Something.

Do you feel lonely?



When you grow up, you learn to do things by yourself. You find that you can cope with the reality that you have to look after yourself. You finally realize that you can manage on your own.

I finally found time to meet with an old friend. Sometimes, being a grown up can get tiring and as social beings, you have that need to connect with the people you've let in your life. It was a good conversation for an hour or two over coffee. (Yes, I have not had a drop of alcohol in my system again since the New Year - how grown-up-ish.)

In between the random stories of being a corporate slave, dieting and parenting, I find myself discussing with my friend my most avoided topic: loneliness. I grew up fearing loneliness. It's not that I can not live on my own, it's just that I prefer that I would not go to bed at night with no one to wake up next to.

I'm not exaggerating, but can you imagine doing that for the next, say, twenty years of your life?!? I cringed just by typing these words - I'm that scared to even imagine that. 

I can tell at this point I'm going nowhere with this. You can stop reading if you want to.

But what would you do if you find that you'd be alone? Is there any point to doing everything alone? 

I was caught off guard. For months I had convinced myself I am okay but tonight I couldn't bring myself to lie. It's time to say out loud that I miss being with someone. I long to be with someone, that I admit. It's long overdue.

Maybe loneliness isn't something I should fear. Maybe I shouldn't fight it. Maybe I should just accept it as it is.

I am itching to hit the backspace key and delete everything I've just written. It doesn't seem to make sense when I read it again.




Do you feel lonely?

Yes.



It just felt good to say out loud that tonight, I really felt lonely.