Steps. Stages. Levels.

Why do people put off doing some things til later? Most are not ready. Some are stuck and can't imagine what it's like on the other side. There are also others who are just afraid to take a leap. We've all heard it: the first step is always the hardest. And as if pressure from other people who are expecting us to overcome whatever it is that we need to do isn't enough, facing the mirror and telling yourself you must do it is just a pain in the ass.

Yes, I'm talking about loss here. Loss of someone, loss of something, slap-in-the-face-somebody-is-no-longer-part-of-your-life. Why is it so hard to move on?

THE NILE.

Yes, I have been blind. Because I can't believe something that was making me happy suddenly turned out to be one of the hugest heartache I'll be going through in my life! That's why I refused to believe it was over.

ANGRY BIRDS.

It will never be fair. And people will always be to blame. Or maybe I am to blame too. Whatever. At least I know somebody is responsible for my loss. And just like the stupid video game, it would come to a point I would like to see somebody blow up just like the damned pigs of the game.

50% OFF.

It's true. Shopping and haggling skills were put to test as I tried to work out something that's not meant to be. Seriously, I've thought of giving up a lot just to have it all back. How pathetic. =\

PROZAC DEPENDENCE.

This, this stage has got to be the hardest for me. Come on! I've been sulking and disconnecting from love and affection. How sad is that? And yes, I do know what it feels like to sleep for 13 hours. Because being awake half the day is just sad, when I see nothing meaningful to make me want to live. And yes, I do splurge when I am depressed. Retail therapy used to work. I'm not sure now.

ACCEPTANCE.

Fine, I couldn't come up with my own term for this. Because at this point, I am so far away from this. With all the stupid decisions and self-pity I am doing, it will take too long before I can accept whatever crap happened to me. Okay?

I know I just ranted in the past 20mins. That's why I've been post-poning writing. Because I am having a hard time admitting to myself I am broken again right now. Because I don't want to be broken. Because I can't believe someone just broke me again.

Now, to go drown my sorrows with the rain.