Say Something.

Do you feel lonely?



When you grow up, you learn to do things by yourself. You find that you can cope with the reality that you have to look after yourself. You finally realize that you can manage on your own.

I finally found time to meet with an old friend. Sometimes, being a grown up can get tiring and as social beings, you have that need to connect with the people you've let in your life. It was a good conversation for an hour or two over coffee. (Yes, I have not had a drop of alcohol in my system again since the New Year - how grown-up-ish.)

In between the random stories of being a corporate slave, dieting and parenting, I find myself discussing with my friend my most avoided topic: loneliness. I grew up fearing loneliness. It's not that I can not live on my own, it's just that I prefer that I would not go to bed at night with no one to wake up next to.

I'm not exaggerating, but can you imagine doing that for the next, say, twenty years of your life?!? I cringed just by typing these words - I'm that scared to even imagine that. 

I can tell at this point I'm going nowhere with this. You can stop reading if you want to.

But what would you do if you find that you'd be alone? Is there any point to doing everything alone? 

I was caught off guard. For months I had convinced myself I am okay but tonight I couldn't bring myself to lie. It's time to say out loud that I miss being with someone. I long to be with someone, that I admit. It's long overdue.

Maybe loneliness isn't something I should fear. Maybe I shouldn't fight it. Maybe I should just accept it as it is.

I am itching to hit the backspace key and delete everything I've just written. It doesn't seem to make sense when I read it again.




Do you feel lonely?

Yes.



It just felt good to say out loud that tonight, I really felt lonely.