A-L-O-N-E.
Well, I found out the last minute my co-worker is taking the same flight as mine but (to cut the long story short, I'm not in the mood right now to write about it) as unfortunate my plane ride adventure goes, I had to rebook to a later flight that day. So yeah, I had a few hours to spare in Manila and thankfully I have a book with me. My phone would have probably died if I relied on it to keep me sane.
Days (and nights) before the flight, I had enough emotions that I can't even distinguish them from one another. I was excited. I'm a bit anxious. I had a panic attack. I was hopeful. Until today, I can't tell how I felt. It bothered me that the first airplane ride I'll be taking again after 11 years will be a solo flight. My attention was split between packing and watching Javier play. It finally dawned on me that the "couple who blogged their trips together" idea someone injected in my head a few months ago is not happening today. Or at all.
I was scared too. For some reason, I even felt ashamed that in my twenty five years of existence, I haven't bothered to explore the Philippines as much as
A gloomy Cebu greeted me. Pfft. I knew I should have believed the weather predictions I found on the internet. Oh well. The arrival area is near empty. Outside, I could see just about 5 or 6 people with me waiting for their rides. I was tempted to get a cab because I have a feeling the shuttle service from the office will be taking a while to get to Mactan airport but then I remembered that airport taxis charge you an arm and a leg and that I was broke. Yes, I had the guts to go to Cebu on a near-empty wallet.
I packed lightly for this trip since it will only be two days. I could easily carry around everything and still jog. It felt like forever to wait for my ride and so my thoughts poured in, top of which is me feeling like I am not a Filipino. Sure, that moment, I look one and even had someone tell me directions in Bisaya. But it felt like I was in Hong Kong again. Standing there, waiting for your ride, refusing a cab ride just by shaking my head as I feared that talking would just open the gates of language barrier. Of course, people at the airport spoke Tagalog but it would be awkward if you can't answer them right away when they talk to you in Bisaya. So I just kept my mouth shut while waiting and my thoughts to myself. Even if I wanted to exclaim how I love the cool weather brought about the rain. (People have been warning me that Cebu is warmer than Manila - something I'm not excited about if I don't get to swim even for 5 minutes.)
My ride arrives and he speaks in Tagalog with an accent. 2 minutes of talking to him about weather, directions and why I arrived later than my co-worker, I found that his and the rest of the Cebuanos' punto (accent) I had talked to during my two-day stay was contagious. Great, I'm adapting.
The first night I spent dinner alone in my hotel room. Dinner was great, really. Balamban Liempo (I must have said Banilad Liempo a couple of times because one of our sites is located in Banilad, Mandaue) is probably the best, bang-for-your-buck liempo or roast pork belly I have ever had in my life - and I used to thrive on liempo when I was in college! Bought off the food court of Ayala Center and me itching to freshen up, I enjoyed my solo dinner in a hotel room in a city where I could only understand half of what people are talking about. Not my first time to eat alone, but it sort of left that uncomfortable feeling that I do not want to do this ever again. (But my photo shows how much I enjooooooyed dinner. Haha.)
I enjoyed my huuuuge bed (I requested for a queen size since there's no point getting twin beds if I'm going to have the room all by myself - this hotel has a view perfect for the sunrise by the way). But somehow, I got used to sleeping next to Javier for the past 20 or so months of our lives. Even if it means taking a break from his cries for milk or nightmares, I miss having someone next to me, whether a baby or a boyfriend.
The work environment made me feel home: the familiar interiors, Employee Communication announcements practically posted everywhere possible, and everything else that looked the same like in the other sites. Except that when I was attending to my tasks, it felt weird that I am not doing as much as the other employees. I felt like I am the new girl again. Plus maybe the fact that everyone is talking in Bisaya made me feel left out. It's not like in Pasay or Cainta where you can understand every single detail of a gossip. If I wanted to understand the whole conversation, I'd have to really look at people's facial expressions, gestures and their tone. It's like watching a Koreanovela, except live and with Filipinos in it.
The flight back home made me feel more alone. I made a list on my last night what things I'm supposed to buy before going to the airport. (And to minimize the chances of talking to the driver during the whole trip to the airport.) A co-worker was nice enough to accompany me in buying lechon. Although it felt awkward that the people from Rico's talked to me in Bisaya and I couldn't answer. I guess it made me feel dumb. After that, I bought (hoarded, actually) dried mangorind and otap at Shamrock. Thank God it was easy to point out which ones I wanted and that I am limited to just saying quantity, asking how much and thanking the ladies.
48 hours later and back in Manila, I had to get a cab for myself. No shuttle, no one to pick me up. It's kind of depressing not having someone welcome you home. But hey, I made it out on my own, I'm coming home on my own. I braved communicating with people I don't know and don't understand. I can push aside my frustrations in the worst moments of my life because there was no one else around to fix things for me. I managed to fit in. I appreciated the sun and rain more. I am now more careful, at the same time carefree. Flying solo may be scary. But now I like to be alone sometimes. Time to think, walking without rushing, me and only me. I'd travel alone again. I'd do this all over again. Except for the dinner alone in the hotel room thing.
I'll fly solo again. Because it's one of the things that remind me I'm more than how I see myself. And yes, I don't have to be afraid of being alone and broke.
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